How to turn FOMO into JOMO (for the D.I. Y. Rock Star)
This post loosely accompanies Gab & Jam Ep 195 How to turn FOMO into JOMO (for the D.I.Y. Rock Star) (https://bit.ly/195fomotojomovid )
Also, this post is inspired by Accidental Creative podcast (featuring Oliver Burkeman, author of 4,000 Weeks ( https://bit.ly/ac4000weekspod)
195. How to turn FOMO to JOMO (for the D.I.Y. Rock Star)
Doing ALL the things….
So, we KNOW we prattle on about being a D.I.Y. Rock Star, which means you do ALL the things to make sure that express your art and that you are “discovered” by more than your mom and your siblings, but the truth is, there’s more to life than JUST living your art. Because we are SO ensconced in trying to level up, sometimes it’s hard to admit that, but the aforementioned podcast discussion reminded us of just how important figuring out all the OTHER things that you care about will ACTUALLY make your quality of life better in the long run. So, that’s the genesis of this post. So, we’re going to use the ideas that they shared as a starting point for a pretty important discussion.
186. How to stay motivated to do ALL the things (for the D.I.Y. Rock Star)?
The podcast guest on Accidental Creative (here's the episode), Oliver Burkeman, wrote in his book called 4,000 weeks, which roughly represents how long a person lives, give or take a decade of two. The focus of the book seems to be living your best life, but it’s more than just about that; it’s about figuring out what that means for you. Since this is kinda our jam, my ears perked up at hearing this.
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One of the main things he discussed was this idea of “existential dread.” —And you KNOW me, terms like this don’t mean much—though they sound like a great album title! 😬—but they summed it up as because there are so many tools and opportunities to do more with your time and energy means that we feel pressured to do more with our time and energy. 😳 This struck a nerve with me, because, especially lately, I have been ALL about working smarter and getting more done. 🤷🏽♀️ But this guy talked about how miserable that can make you, ESPECIALLY if you are trying to run your own enterprise. You see, the problem is not knowing WHEN to slow down, when to take a break, and/or when to quit. Not only can this lead to burn out, but it can also just make for a stressful existence. We all know that the nature of making and building a life on sharing/selling/showcasing your art causes you to experience doubt and fear, so making the most of EVERY single day to put yourself out there for that can be miserable.
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And, of course, with EVERY choice you make, we fear missing out on some OTHER opportunity. —For us, early on, we thought that it kinda was some unwritten rule that, as a band, you needed to be able to perform live. —And if you check out our YouTube channel, we spent time working on live performances. —We even started going out to do open mic shows. —But once we started doing the podcast—while also doing the blog AND also writing and recording new material—we realized that performing live wasn’t our jam. And further, that it became a dreaded pursuit for me, which it’s NOT supposed to be a chore; it’s supposed to be a joy. But we just felt it was something that we HAD to have in our toolkit at that time....
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Plan time for it all early
As a “cure” to that overwhelm of opportunities, this guy suggests remembering what OTHER pursuits and goals are important and making sure to include THOSE as you plan you life. For instance, if you also value having and raising a family, travel, fitness, or philanthropic work, that these should all make their way in the mix of what you intentionally spend time on throughout your life.
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Not waiting for retirement
In this episode, they also touch on the idea that so many people have been programmed to wait until their retirement to explore some of those things that they really say they value. Needless to say, he encouraged folks to figure out how to start to experience them along the way. And this leads us directly to what you came for, which is……
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This guy suggests that, if you are TRULY wanting a life that you live, try embracing JOMO, the JOY OF MISSING OUT. Going back to feeling like we had to perform live in order to be considered a “true” band; once we realized that this wasn’t for us, we no longer had stress when we saw a call for a live band. Instead, we felt relieved that we DIDN'T even need to bother applying for that kind of opportunity anymore. Instead, we could focus on the things that we had already decided we liked more—the podcast and the blog and creating and branding the music—and felt joy to JUST focus on those things. That is the joy of missing out.
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The road is NOT straight
—But we WOULDN'T know what we DIDN'T like, if we had tried a bunch of things (like we tried to get sponsorships and tried to perform live and tried chasing sync licensing deals). We threw a bunch of pursuits related to our big goals at the wall to see what would stick and what we liked. —And, actually, some of the stuff that stuck—like performing—just isn’t where we are right now (but we have ALL kinds of opportunities to do it now and we choose NOT to). So, just because the opportunities exist, doesn’t mean that we need to bite. In the long run, it’s about our own happiness and not about what we THINK other folks think of us….. But it took going down a few winding roads to get to this thinking.
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The efficiency trap….
They also discussed an idea called “the efficiency trap,” which kinda blew me away. What I mean is that, because we are D.I.Y. Rock Stars, who are trying to figure how to do more with the resources we have, sometimes it’s hard to know when it is too much. And with the “efficiency trap,” he warns us that the more time we create for ourselves, the more activities we can find to fill that time back up. 😳 —This seems SO clear, when we think about trying to be on ALL the social media platforms, including whatever NEW one comes along (like TikTok and Clubhouse, for a minute). (Here's a blog post on THAT journey.) We feel that, if we find a way to efficiently post to the—for us—over 35 that we’ve committed to, then what’s the danger in figuring out how to add just one more in there?! Well, the danger of doing TOO much is burn out and that it takes valuable time away from what I like to do; spend on the couch with Bruce on Saturday night…..Or the midday walks we like to take. All of those are in jeopardy, if we TRULY lean in to “just one more” -type of thinking. Yep, it’s a trap and, no, I have fucking been there before and try my BEST not to go there again!
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You’ve said no,…
In this conversation, they reminded us that, if we aren’t intentional with our vision, our purpose, and our time, and TRY —or even WANT—to say “yes” to everything, we may be saying “no” to the very thing we said we valued—which is our case was sitting and discussing quite a variety of music topics (as we do with our podcast). Wanting to keep doing that also meant putting trying to find sponsorships on the back burner as well. —As I mentioned, there are ONLY so many hours in a day and doing what we like —with the podcast, etc.—takes time and energy, so in order to keep it thriving in the fashion that we had chosen means pushing some of those other goals off the plate. It means saying “no,” and not feeling badly about it. And, actually, in fact, to be at peace with all these decisions. That’s JOMO.
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The bottom line
We suggest that all D.I.Y. Rock Stars try trading in FOMO for JOMO, but ONLY after you have dialed in your vision (here's a post on vision) and have tried a boatload of things. We promise you that somewhere in there, you will find yourself and make those 4,000 weeks count as your life that was worth living.
What do you think?
Do you remember when you traded
your FOMO to JOMO?
We’re all about being inspired by your testimonies,
so we’d love to hear about!
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