Bad Guys Should Win?!
SPOILER ALERT!!
Plot information will be given out intermittently in an effort to explain our points.
Don’t proceed unless you agree to take your chances with knowing the endings.
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Welcome to Gab & Jam, Episode Two, where our topic is
Bad Guys Who Did Not
Live Up to Their Villainy.
Let's jump right in.
Smaug
(The Hobbit Movies, 2012 - 2013)
Smaug, the ferocious dragon, talked a big game, but when it was time to deliver, he just couldn’t seem to get the job done. One arrow through the heart and he was outta there! So sad….
Darth Vader
As you know, Star Wars movies have come in waves. However, in later movies, Darth Vader is the man! (This is something that really appealed to the bad girl in me….) But in the original movie, this same character is allowing underlings to talk back to him disrespectfully! There should have been punishment for that kind of insolence, but Darth Vader didn’t even respond to it. Wimp!
Valdemort
Does the fact that he does not have a nose indicate anything about his manhood?Hmmmm, we wonder….Anyway, when he was just a rumor—referred to as "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named"—he was a real menace.And even as Tom Riddle, his presence is creepy and threatening.However, in the more recent movies—once he finally appears—he is a whiny, little b*tch! How disappointing!
Apocalypse
In the comics and in the cartoon, Apocalypse is the supreme villain, but in the X-Men movies, he is much too easily defeated. His powers are very substandard compared to his previous embodiment. We waited thirty years to see how he would be portrayed and that’s all us evil-loving fans get?! That’s wack!
Bonus mention:
Galactus,
Destroyer of Worlds [from Guardians of the Galaxy (2017)]
If you can destroy worlds, how can puny little humans defeat you?!
John Milton
Oh, and we both had great hope for the triumphant villainy of John Milton (played brilliantly by Al Pacino). He had so many great one-liners in the movie; such a quiet, but ruthless power. However, in effort to end the movie in that old American way, I guess, a newbie—played by Keanu Reeves—was able to trounce Milton without batting an eye. For Milton to have represent the incarnate power of the Devil, he certainly was not hard to take down (which really sucked)!
Rita Repulsa
Our daughter says that Rita gets beat the same way every time and that Rita should have learned to be a better villain by now. Since neither one of us—old folks—are familiar with much having to do with The Power Rangers and must take her word. She swore that this was worth including and, so it is. You can let her and us know what you think in the comments below.
Electro
It’s pretty awesome for a villain to be able to control electricity.And we loved Jamie Foxx in the role of Electro. So, why the heck was he so easy to defeat?!What—did they shut the power down the ENTIRE city? NO! New Junior Spider Boy just used his spider power to defeat Electro! Lame!
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Let's turn our attention to
Bad Guys Who Lived Up
to their Villainous Billing.
Verbal
We are on to an entirely new level of villain; the ones who actually do even more evil than what we believe they will. We cast our first ballot for Verbal. He is cold-blooded and so covert that we don’t know until the end that he is the legend that his character has been praising all along. Verbal is at-once patting himself on the back, spinning tall tales, AND kicking the shit out of his competition. Now, that’s a feat. Way to go!
Tyler Durden
We just loved Tyler Durden’s “wisdom”—even when we did not agree with his methods…Having said that, he definitely is near the top of the list of “villains” who went well beyond their expectations. –Plus, he had kick-ass personal style!
Agent Smith
We have a pretty elaborate “reading” of this villain. Agent Smith, the antagonist of the series, actually governs the world of the Matrix. Agent Smith falls once Neo—the One—is re-born as a Christlike figure. In fact, there are quite a few parallels to Christian Bible stories, including Cipher being Judas to Neo. Cipher makes a deal with Agent Smith to betray Neo—sounds familiar, right? What we like most is that there are layers upon layers of meaning to dig into for this movie or none. What we mean is that if you don’t like to delve too deeply into allusions, there is still a kick-ass, glammed up, good versus evil movie at its core. Just enjoy it for what it is. And be ready to be clapping it up for Agent Smith, who gives Neo a run for his money, honey.
Leonard
We first feel so bad for our protagonist, Leonard, until we discover the truth of the horror in his soul.– Again, we don’t want to spoil it for you, because there is a huge web being spun and you, the viewer, is the one being fattened for the kill.
John Malkovich versus Colin Firth as Valmont
Vicomte de Valmont (Dangerous Liaisons, 1988) versus Valmont (Valmont, 1989)
These two movies are the same story, but told slightly differently and, of course, with different actors.Having said that, we know that Valmont is the villain.The question is which version made for the best villain?We love John Malkovich’s “It is beyond my control.” brush-off of his Michelle Pfeiffer’s character, but liked the mood of Colin Firth’s Valmont.So, who wins out?I guess we will have to let you decide.See them both and let us know who was the best villain.
The Vanishing Villains
Barney Cousins (played by Jeff Bridges) (The Vanishing, 1993) versus Raymond Lemorne (The Vanishing,1988)
Here is another doubling; a movie that is the same story, but told differently. Jeff Bridges played the villain in the American-made version, “The Vanishing.”The Dutch-French version of the same story, “Spoorloos,” had Bernard-Pierre Donnadieu as the lead “villain.” Again, we must warn you that the French version of the film ends less hopefully than the American version.But the real question is who played the villain the best? Since it was a shock to the system that Jeff Bridges could be so dastardly, we might have to choose him….
Bonus mention:
Alonzo,
Though we hadn’t planned to add him, Denzel Washington, in Training Day was definitely a villain that lived up to the proper level of evilness. We got so lost in Alonzo’s bad deeds that we forgot that Denzel Washington was simply playing a character!We hated his character in that movie, which means that Alonzo was doing his job!He was making villains everywhere proud.
Who did we miss?
If you disagree with our lists, let us know who and why.
If you have someone to add to the list,
be sure to drop it into the comments.
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